


Learning how to pretend (that everything is perfect)

by Sparklyfairymira (myonetruelove)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Confessions, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Illnesses, Marriage, POV Clarke Griffin, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29452620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myonetruelove/pseuds/Sparklyfairymira
Summary: In order to inherit the crown on her 21st birthday, she must be married. Her mom has arranged for her to marry Wells—Wells who is in love with Raven. Bellamy offers another solution.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 78
Collections: bellarkescord valentine gift exchange 2021





	Learning how to pretend (that everything is perfect)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bookwormforalways](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookwormforalways/gifts).



> Hello!!!! Happy Valentine's day! I took part in a Valentine's day exchange and this is what came of it. My prompt was "Marry me?" and somehow this is what I came up with. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
> 
> As a reminder I, along with many other talented and creators are currently taking prompts via t100fic4blm. Please check out [our carrd here](t100fic-for-blm.carrd.co) to see what we're all about. Is there a story idea that you want to read? A song you KNOW needs to be made into a video? Or want a fic trailer done for your fic (because I'm getting quite good at those lol). If you want to donate, but don't know what to prompt we've got you covered there too with [our new prompt board.](https://www.notion.so/t100-Fic-for-BLM-Prompt-Ideas-b71c84406c884099a9682133636abc09)
> 
> If you're interested in seeing what else I'm writing and what my planned publication dates for that is, please check out my Tumblr post [HERE](https://sparklyfairymira.tumblr.com/post/632973715782729728/prompt-fic-updates).

Clarke sighs as she lets her head fall back against the back of her chair. She tunes out her mother’s words, because honestly? She does not care enough to listen. She does not like what her mother is saying so she is choosing to ignore her—a very mature decision on her part.

“Clarke, are you seriously not listening to a word I am saying right now?” There is a bite to Abby’s words that make Clarke wince. 

“Look, Mama, I do not know how many times I have to tell you this—I do not want to marry Wells and he does not want to marry me. It is a barbaric tradition that I have to be married to inherit the throne. _You_ are not married and you are ruling.”

Abby rolls her eyes. “I was married to your father and when he died that is when I took over ruling until you came of age—you know all of this. I do not understand why you are being so difficult. You love Wells.”

“As a friend Mama. We have known each other since we were babies.” Clarke rolls her eyes as she lets out a huff. They have had this same argument for the last month and a half leading up to her twenty-first birthday. “Not to mention, he is in love with someone else.”

“That might be, but he knows his duty and he will marry you,” Abby says as she rises—her way of saying that the conversation is over. “This is the last time that I am having this conversation with you. You will marry Wells on your twenty-first birthday and then you will be crowned queen of Arkadia. End of discussion.”

Clarke watches her mother walk away, her mind racing. She is still determined to find a way around this. She had even tried to go to the council to get them to overturn the law, but they were having none of that. Apparently, a woman is not fit to rule unless she is married or widowed. But she guesses that is what happens when the council is made up of old men—they are not good at letting go of the old ways. She intends to change all of that when she becomes queen. Her first act will be to appoint a new council. In with the new and out with the old. 

She laughs. This is probably why they want her to be married. They are worried about the changes that she plans to bring to Arkadia and think that a husband will help to reign her in. If that is what they want, they should not be trying to push her to marry Wells. Wells is even more progressive than she is, but he does a better job of hiding it. 

She cannot marry him though. She cannot. She does not want to break Raven’s heart and she does not want to condemn herself and Wells to a marriage without love. There has got to be a way out of this, right?”

The chair beside her is pulled out and she looks over to find Bellamy sitting down beside her. “I take it that did not go well?”

“Of course not.” Clarke laughs, but it is humorless. She cannot find anything funny about her situation. She has always known that she would rule, she just had not expected her dad to die when she was only sixteen. She thought she would have time to find someone and fall in love, marry long before she took the throne. But that is not how her life has worked out and now she does not know what to do.”

Bellamy reaches out, squeezing her hand. “I am sure that you will think of something.”

Clarke shakes her head. Bellamy has always believed in her more than she has believed in herself. Clarke had grown up alongside Bellamy, Wells, and Octavia—though Bellamy is a few years older than the other three. He had always been the one to make sure that they did not get into too much trouble and he had been Clarke’s first childhood crush. 

It had not surprised her when he had made the decision to join the guard and it had surprised no one when she had named him head of her guard. It just made sense. She needs someone that she trusts watching her back and there is no one she trusts more than Bellamy. 

“I am all out of ideas, Bellamy.” Clarke pulls her hand from under his, bringing her hands to her face. She is just so tired—tired of the politics, tired of the worrying. She just wants to be queen. Why does it have to be this way?

“Okay, this is going to sound like a crazy idea, but hear me out,” Bellamy says as he pulls her hands from her face. 

He looks so earnest, there is no way that Clarke can refuse him. She rolls her eyes but cannot keep the smile off of her face. “Okay. Tell me your crazy idea.”

“Marry someone else.”

Clarke frowns at him. “Bellamy, that is not much of a plan. What am I supposed to do? Just pluck someone from the crowd and hope that I will fall in love?” She considers it for a moment. “I mean, I guess it is better than marrying Wells who I will never love, but that seems like a gamble. What if they are a terrible person?”

“I was not done.” Bellamy laughs. “Marry someone and have the marriage annulled once you are queen—you will have the power to do that, you know?”

“That is true.” Clarke bites the inside of her cheek as she thinks. The queen does have the ability to grant annulments, so she should be able to annul her own marriage, right? “But who do I marry? I cannot do that to Wells—I will not do that to him. He is so in love with Raven and even having to pretend to be married to me? I will not force that upon him. So that still leaves the questions of _who._ ”

“Marry me?” It comes out as a question, but she thinks he meant it as a statement.

Clarke turns her head slowly, blinking at him. “Did you really just suggest that I marry you?”

Bellamy makes a face. “I do not know why you said it like that. I am a perfectly acceptable match.” He stands up quickly. “Fine, go marry Murphy for all I care.”

“Bellamy, wait!” Clarke had not meant it as an insult—she had just been surprised. “That is not what I said at all.” When Bellamy does not stop she rolls her eyes. “Do not make me chase you.”

Bellamy stops, back still her for a moment before turning around. He does not move closer, but at least he is not stalking away anymore.

“You surprised me is all. Please come back over here and talk to me, please?” When he just crosses his arms she lets out a huff. “And I would never marry Murphy, we would kill each other.”

“Like I would ever marry you,” Murphy calls from behind her—where she knew he was stationed when she made her comment.

Bellamy tries to hide his laughter and the smile that is trying to spread across his face, but he fails. He shakes his head and makes his way back over to Clarke. “I would not let you marry, Murphy.”

“Gee, thanks boss,” Murphy’s response is laced with sarcasm.

“Are you serious?” Clarke asks as Bellamy sits back down.

Bellamy shrugs. “Why not? It would not be hard for the council to think that you have fallen in love with me, right? We have been friends since we were kids and I am the head of your guard, so I am always around. They would not questi0n us eloping and they will not fight the marriage.”

Clarke nods because he is right—the council filled with old men would one hundred percent believe that she could not restrain herself and Bellamy would be someone that they would consider a good choice. It could work—except she does not want to do this to Bellamy anymore than she does to Wells. 

“You are not wrong, but I cannot ask you to do that, Bellamy. It is not fair to you.” Clarke hates herself for even considering it. She cannot make her friends pay for what she has to do to take the throne—it is not their problem, it is hers and hers alone.

“You did not ask, Clarke. I offered and that is the difference.” Bellamy smiles. “Being married to you for a few months will be nothing.”

Murphy scoffs behind them. “You say that now.”

“No one is talking to you, Murphy, so shut up.” Clarke grins even though Murphy cannot see her face. 

Murphy had not grown up with them but Clarke still trusted him more than she does most people. Clarke and Bellamy had met Murphy when they were teenagers and he had tried to steal from Clarke. Bellamy had caught him, though Clarke had remained completely oblivious to what had happened. When Bellamy had dragged the other boy over to Clarke and explained what he had done, she had asked if he wanted to train to be a member of her guard. Both Bellamy and Murphy had given her looks that implied that she was crazy, but she had explained that she would rather have someone that could steal from her so easily working for her and not against her. The promise of a roof over his head and steady pay had easily swayed Murphy and he has been by their side ever since. 

“Okay, say we do this. What happens if some reason the marriage cannot be annulled?” 

Bellamy shrugs. “Then we are married? At least then you would not be keeping Wells from Raven, right?” he says nonchalantly but Clarke cannot really wrap her mind around it.

“Bellamy…”

“Clarke…” Bellamy grins. “I am pretty sure that we can bear a few months of a fake marriage. And I am not worried about you being able to get it annulled, you will be the queen. You will be able to do whatever you want, right?”

Clarke laughs not only because she is actually considering this but also because Bellamy knows that it does not work that way. It could work though, right? It is the answer to all of their problems and she will just annul the marriage once she is queen. What could go wrong?

A lot—a lot can go wrong.

* * *

They are to be married the next day, bringing Raven and Wells along as their witnesses. Before the ceremony, Wells had told Clarke that she was crazy, but he had also thanked her, so she considers it a win. It is not the royal wedding that she knows her mother wants, but that is a problem for later. 

Her dress is white and silver, much too nice for the rundown church that they are marrying in—but seeing as it is the only church that did not care that she is the princess, it is where they are getting married. She carries a simple bouquet of wildflowers that Bellamy had picked for her. She stands next to Bellamy, who is dressed in his guard uniform—not the usual guard uniform, but the one that they wear for more elegant occasions. 

She barely pays attention to the words of the archbishop and requires a little prodding from Raven to repeat her vows, but they make it through the ceremony without anyone bursting in and demanding that they stop. She is a married woman. Or at least she will be as soon as Bellamy kisses her. 

  
Clarke stands frozen as Bellamy turns to her and she does not doubt that he can read the terror that she is sure is written all over her face. He shakes his head and gives a small laugh before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth. To the archbishop, it will look like they are actually kissing, but both she and Bellamy know better. 

As he pulls back Clarke grins up at him—of course, he had thought of a way around the kiss because there is no way he had wanted to kiss her—obviously. And it’s not like she wanted to kiss him, so it really is for the best. Clarke lets out the breath she had been holding as Wells steps forward and presses a bag of gold into the archbishop’s hand—they had already paid for the ceremony, this is to keep him quiet.

As they make their way back to the palace, Clarke finds herself lost in her own thoughts. She knows that this is a terrible idea, but she had not been able to think of anything better. It is the best of their bad ideas—she just hopes that Bellamy does not live to regret it. She does not speak the entire ride back and she would feel bad for it if she was not so lost in her own mind. She is grateful to Wells and Raven for keeping Bellamy wrapped up in conversation with them. 

As they pull up to the palace Clarke can plainly see her mother and Marcus Kane, one of the people she considers an ally on the council, standing on the steps waiting for them. She sighs. “I was really hoping for like a day before we had to deal with this.”

Bellamy leans around her to glance out the window and laughs as he takes her hand. “It is fine. We have this. Just remember—we are in love.”

Clarke forces a smile because that is the part she is worried about. Yes, she loves Bellamy—of course, she does—but she is not _in_ love with him and she does not know how to fake that. But for this to work, she had better figure it out because until she is crowned queen her mother can annul their marriage. And then she would be back to having to marry Wells. She takes a deep breath because she does not really have a choice—she _has_ to sell it.

She lets Bellamy exit the carriage first so that he can help her out. She keeps her hand on his arm and her head held high as they climb the stairs. She hears Wells and Raven exit the carriage, but they do not follow them up the stairs—not that she can blame them. She does not want to deal with this now and it is her problem to deal with.

“What did you do?” Abby hisses as they reach the step just below where she and Marcus stand.

“Well, I did what you wanted me to do, Mama.” Clarke shoots her a big smile. “Right? You wanted me to marry so that I could take the throne?”

Abby’s eyes narrow. “I _wanted_ you to marry Wells in a proper royal wedding. Not the head of your guard,” she spits out the last part in disgust.

“Well, that is too bad. I wanted to marry for love and so I did. You and the council will just have to accept that,” Clarke says as she turns her head toward Marcus. “Will the council accept this or will I be fighting them as well?”

Marcus glances at Abby before turning back to Clarke, inclining his head to her. “They will accept it. Bellamy will be deemed an acceptable choice.”

“Are you serious right now?” Abby cries out as she turns her attention to Marcus. “How is this an acceptable choice?”

“Maybe we should talk just the two of us?” Marcus suggests.

Clarke laughs. “Oh, no, I would like to hear this conversation as well.”

Marcus frowns at Clarke before turning back to Abby. “Bellamy came up through the guard and he trained with the military. Therefore if Arkadia were to go to war we would have his experience to rely upon. Not that we are hoping for war, but it is best to be prepared.” He spares Bellamy a quick glance. “Not to mention that most of the council members like Bellamy.”

Abby throws her hands up in the air as she makes a noise of disgust. “I cannot believe you have done this to me.”

“I did not do this to you, Mama.” Clarke shakes her head. “I did this for me. And you need to accept it.” She turns to smile up at Bellamy. “Now if you will excuse us, my husband and I would like to spend some time alone.”

Bellamy returns her smile before he begins leading her around Marcus and Abby. Once they are further down the hallway he leans over to whisper in her ear, “Did you see the look on her face? I do not know who she wanted to kill more—you, me, or Marcus.”

Clarke snorts. “Oh, I am sure it was me, but the two of you probably are not too far behind.” She bites her lip. “Now what do we do?”

“I guess we head to your room? Make them think that we are consummating the marriage?” Bellamy shrugs. “I do not know. I have never fake married someone before.”

“Well, technically you did not fake marry anyone now either. We are married—just temporarily.” Clarke shakes her head. “I do not want to think about that too hard, it will make my head hurt. But sure, let us head to my room.”

Bellamy does not say anything as he begins to lead her down another hallway towards her room. As they walk Clarke cannot help but wonder once more if this was the right decision. So many things could go wrong. Yes, they have made it through their first encounter with her mother and Marcus, but what about everyone else? Can they really pull this off? She prays to the Gods that they can because she does not know what they will do if they cannot.

* * *

**Six months later**

Clarke pushes open the doors to her room so hard that they slam against the wall. Bellamy just raises an eyebrow from his seat near the fire, reading. “I take it things did not go the way you thought they would?”

“This is ridiculous, Bellamy!” She stalks over to drop into the chair across from him as Murphy hurries to shut the doors behind her. “I am the queen. How is it that I cannot replace my council nor get my marriage annulled? Although, if I could get the council replaced I guess it would be easier to get the marriage annulled.” 

Bellamy closes his book and leans forward. “Take a deep breath. Eventually, you will get the council replaced—it is just taking you longer than you thought it would. And as for the marriage? Well, it is not so bad being married to me, is it?”

“No,” Clarke scoffs, “it really is not, but it is not fair to you. You thought you would only have to be married to me for a few months and if we do not get it annulled soon, I do not know if we will ever be able to get it annulled. Though it helps that we have not consummated the marriage.”

“That is true, but would they even believe you if you told them that?” Bellamy laughs. “And please, stop worrying about me. Who am I to complain? I am the king. But really I just do the same thing that I have always done, which is lead your guard.”

Murphy clears his throat. “Yeah, except that is _my_ job now.”

Clarke turns around and shoots Murphy a grin. “And you are doing a fine job.”

“I would be doing a better job if your husband knew how to relinquish control every once in a while,” Murphy mutters.

“Yeah, right. We both know that is never going to happen,” she laughs as she turns back to Bellamy. “The two of you are just what I need following a council meeting.”

Bellamy shakes his head as he sets his book onto the table. “Clarke, I have told you before and I will keep telling you until you listen—I do not mind going to the meetings with you. It might be easier with me there.”

Clarke shrugs. “I do not want you to have to listen to the old men blather on about how I am going to ruin _their_ country—like I was not born and raised here. Like I am not the queen.” She throws her hands in the air. “No, I will not subject you to that.”

“Okay, Princess,” Bellamy says with a grin.

“Uh uh uh,” Clarke says as she waggles her finger at him, “I am not a princess anymore, so you need to stop calling me that.”

“Never going to happen,” Bellamy laughs as he stands up. “Shall we head to dinner?”

“Ugh, do we have to?” Clarke slumps in the chair. She really does not feel like dealing with any more people. The daily council meetings take everything out of her and then she is expected to put on a smile and talk to whomever her mother has decided to invite to dinner that night. 

Being the queen is not nearly as glamorous as Clarke had once thought it to be. She had known that it would be hard work, but she had not realized what she would have to deal with outside the day-to-day ruling—including doing dinners with people that she does not want to talk to. She wants to do nothing more than fake a headache, but she knows that her mother will just show up at her door and drag her to dinner. 

Bellamy laughs. “Sadly we do. Come on, let us get you changed. Harper already set out a dress for you.”

Clarke sighs loudly as she stands. “Fine, but I just want you to know that I am not happy about it.”

“Oh, we are all well aware,” Murphy laughs, dodging the pillow she throws at him. “Your aim is terrible.”

“Not nearly as terrible as your face,” Clarke returns with a grin. She really does not know how she would get through this without Murphy and Bellamy. 

She makes her way over to the dressing screen to find the dress that Harper had left her—a dress that there is no way she can put on by herself. She is going to have to have a talk with her about that. Clarke loves Harper and wants no one else to work as her lady’s maid, but she also needs to make sure that Clarke is able to put on her own dresses for the evening. 

She frowns as she begins to pull off her day dress. She is sure that Harper assumes that Bellamy can help her dress because she thinks that they have a real marriage, so Clarke cannot fault her for that. She pulls on the evening dress and tries to do the ties herself but it is impossible. She clutches the dress to her chest as she sticks her head out from behind the screen. 

“Bell?” she calls, pausing until he turns his attention to her. “I cannot get this dress that Harper left me done up on my own. Could you please come and help me?”

Bellamy pauses, a look of horror crossing his face so quickly that Clarke is not one hundred percent sure that she did not imagine it. But she knows she does not imagine the way he swallows as he sets down his drink on the table or the slight shake to his hands. What is this all about?

“Of course.” Bellamy smiles as he makes his way over to the screen.

Clarke ducks back behind the screen, still clutching the dress to her chest as she tries to figure out what the hell she had just seen. She does not understand. It does not make any sense. 

“Just need help to lace the dress up?” Bellamy asks, his voice husky.

“Ummm…” Clarke stutters. “Yes, please.” Why is it suddenly hard for her to breathe? And did the room temperature just spike?

Bellamy tightens the laces quickly. “Is that too tight?” His hot breath brushes across the bare skin of her neck and shoulders like a caress and Clarke can barely keep from shivering.

“No, not at all,” Clarke’s voice comes out breathier and a bit huskier than usual. 

Bellamy’s fingers brush the bare skin at the top of her back as he works to tie the laces and Clarke is feeling a lot of things that she should not. She feels like her entire body is on fire and like she could fall apart at any moment. She does not think that she has ever felt like this before—let alone with Bellamy. What is happening?

“Okay, all done,” Bellamy says softly as he helps her right the sleeves of the dress. 

  
Clarke turns around, expecting that Bellamy will back up but he does not. They are so close that they are almost touching but not quite. Clarke gasps as she tries to draw in enough air. When her eyes move up to meet Bellamy’s she finds that they are on her lips and not her eyes. 

She reaches out for him, hands landing on his arms. She does not understand what is happening right now. When had things changed between her and Bellamy? Because she does not think she has noticed these things until just now. But she is not stupid enough to think that things just changed overnight. 

Bellamy begins to lower his head towards hers and Clarke just blinks up at him. Bellamy is about to kiss her and she thinks she wants him to. 

A loud knock on the door breaks the silence of the room causing Bellamy and Clarke to jump apart. Bellamy clears his throat as he steps out from behind the screen. “Murphy? Will you get that please?” 

Clarke stands behind the screen for just another moment, blinking after Bellamy long after he is out of her sight. She had not just imagined that, had she? No, there is no way that was just her imagination. But what does it mean?

“Clarke, honey?” Abby calls. “Are you about ready?”

Clarke closes her eyes as she lets out a sigh. Of course, her mother has come to seek them out when they are not where she expects them to be exactly when she expects it. Sometimes she wishes that she could send her mother far away from the castle, but she knows that she cannot. But she wishes she could.

She forces a smile as she steps out from behind the screen. “Of course, Mama. The council meeting ran over and I had some issues with my dress, but we were just about to head down.” 

Abby considers her for a moment and it is obvious that she does not believe Clarke, but she just nods. “See that you do.”

Clarke rolls her eyes as soon as the door shuts behind her mother. “I know that she means well, but does she have to be so annoying?”

“I think it is the only way she knows how to show you that she loves you,” Murphy says with a laugh.

Clarke laughs along with him, though she thinks that he might be right. Her eyes fall to Bellamy but he is not laughing and he is also refusing to meet her eyes. She frowns and opens her mouth to call him out on his behavior, but he speaks before she can.

“Shall we go?” Bellamy still not looking at her as he picks up his glass and finishes his drink in one go.

“Yes.” Clarke shakes her head. She guesses she will have to worry about this later. For now, she has to focus on dinner. The question of what the hell is going on with her and Bellamy will have to wait. 

* * *

Clarke means to talk to Bellamy about what had happened—the almost kiss—following dinner that night, but he had rushed off to his own room as soon as dinner was done. She had laid awake for most of the night trying to figure out if she had imagined it or if something had changed in their relationship—and if it had changed _when_ had it changed. And trying to piece through her own emotions. It is not a restful night. 

The next morning she still has not untwisted what she feels, but she seeks out Bellamy before her early morning council meeting only to find out that he had left at dawn to visit his sister and her husband in the country. He had not even told her that he had been thinking about visiting Octavia. She is mad and she is hurt, so she holds onto those feelings as she awaits his return.

A week turned into two, two into three. Before she knows it Bellamy has been gone for almost three months. She has written him, but her letters have gone unanswered. She does not understand what has happened. Bellamy had sworn that the two of them marrying would not ruin their friendship, but it feels fully ruined at this point. When did her company become so unbearable to him that he had to run away to his sister’s house just to get away from her?

She is not even angry anymore, now it just hurts more and more the longer that he is gone. She misses him—misses him more than she ever thought she could. On the upside, she has managed to finally figure out how she feels about Bellamy. It had taken her about a month and a half of Murphy laughing at her to realize that she had fallen in love with Bellamy. 

Not that being in love with Bellamy makes things any easier—in fact, it makes it worse. But at least she understands what was happening on her side at least. Now if she could just get her husband to come home so that she can figure out how he feels. Which is turning out to be much easier said than done.

Clarke has become increasingly impatient with her council the longer Bellamy has been away. The upside to that is she has been able to replace most of the members of the council now and she is pretty sure that they will allow her to annul her marriage at this point—now that she does not want to annul it. She just wishes she knew how the hell Bellamy felt. Instead, she sits here day after day wondering what he is thinking and what he is doing—and on the bad days, wondering who he has been doing it with. 

What if Bellamy does not feel the same? What if he wants to annul the marriage still? What if that is why he left? Maybe after the almost kiss, he had realized that he did not want anything to do with Clarke and that is why he left. These are the thoughts that rush through her head late at night when she is alone and feeling sorry for herself.

Her morning thoughts are usually more hopeful. Maybe he left because he is in love with Clarke too but he does not think that Clarke loves him. Maybe he left to keep himself from getting hurt. The thought of Bellamy loving her never fails to bring a smile to her lips.

It is too bad that the negative thoughts heavily outweigh the positive. If only Bellamy would return so she could know instead of just wondering. But at this rate, she is beginning to think that he will never return and that breaks her heart all over again. 

And because her heart is so broken and her thoughts so dark, she often finds herself walking the palace grounds late at night. At first, there had been two random guards that followed her, but upon realizing that these nightly walks were not going to stop anytime soon Murphy had rearranged his own schedule so that he could be one of her night guards. She knows that he hates it, but she is thankful for his presence. 

One night she is up much later than usual and Clarke can tell that it is mere hours from dawn, but she does not feel tired. She feels restless, so she keeps walking. The storm comes out of nowhere and within seconds Clarke is drenched, but she makes no move to head back inside. She turns her head up to the rain and cries, letting the rain disguise her tears. 

She wonders if it is possible to drown like this, with the rain falling all over her face. It is a silly thought, but to say she is not in her right mind is putting things mildly.

“Clarke,” Murphy calls out. “I think we should head inside. The storm is getting worse.”

Clarke does not turn to look at Murphy but does drop her head to look around her. The wind is blowing harder and the lightning is coming faster. But she cannot seem to make her feet move. it is beautiful out here—beautiful and dangerous all at once. 

“Clarke.” Murphy’s hand wraps around her arm and tries to turn her, but she stands her ground. “Clarke, I am serious. You could get hurt or catch a cold.”

Clarke shrugged, giving a short laugh. “Like anyone would care if I did.”

At that Murphy used all of his strength to swing her around to face him. “I have put up with this for as long as I can, Clarke. You need to snap out of it. I do not know what happened between you and Bellamy, but the two of you need to fix it. I cannot keep watching you behave this way.”

“But Bellamy wants nothing to do with me, Murphy. I have written and written and there has been no response. Nor has he come home. So obviously there is nothing to work out. I wrote him to tell him that if it is an annulment that he wants, I should be able to get the council to agree, but still nothing.” Clarke shrugs. “I do not know what to do, Murphy.”

The world starts to spin around Clarke, her vision going dark at the edges. She collapses against Murphy as she tries to force herself to stay awake. She does not know what is wrong—something is wrong but she cannot get her body to work. And why is it so sudden? Or maybe it is not so sudden and she has been ignoring the signs—that sounds like something she would do. She would laugh if she could.

She feels Murphy scoop her up into his arms. “Clarke? Clarke, wake up. Clarke!”

Clarke wants to answer him, but she cannot. She feels herself being pulled towards the blackness, no matter how hard she fights. The last thing she hears before she falls completely under is Murphy yelling, “We need the healer! Get the healer!”

* * *

Clarke does not know how long she sleeps, but she knows that it is longer than she should. She wakes a few times but cannot seem to pull herself fully from the darkness that continues to swallow her. The few times that she has awoken her body has felt like it is on fire and she can feel the sweat dripping down her body, though her body shakes and shivers. She can hear voices around her, but cannot make out the words that they speak. It is almost like she is not actually awake. 

She remembers waking once, blinking against the bright light, and she swears that she sees Bellamy, but then the darkness is pulling her back down. In the darkness, she dreams. She dreams of her childhood—when her father was still alive and her family was whole. She dreams of playing tag with Wells, Octavia, and Bellamy while their parents yell after them. She dreams of simpler times, but most of all she dreams of Bellamy. Even in her dreams, he is always prominent and always by her side. it is too bad that her life is no longer like this. Maybe that is why she cannot seem to pull herself from the darkness.

The next time Clarke wakes her head is pounding and it feels like her eyes are stuck together, but she forces them open—thankful that it seems to be nighttime, the room lit only by a handful of candles. She tries to sit up but finds that she is too weak and soon there are hands pushing her back onto the bed.

“Now, my queen, you need to stay lying down. You are still weak.” She recognizes the voice of their healer Eric Jackson, but cannot seem to get her eyes to focus on him.

“How-” Clarke croaks before clearing her throat and trying again, “What happened?”

“What happened is that you worked yourself into the ground.” That angry voice most definitely does not belong to their healer—no, that would be her husband. “Murphy tells me that you spent your nights walking around the grounds and you were not eating. What do you expect to happen? Especially when you decided to play in the rain. Your damn body just gave up.”

Clarke grins up as Bellamy’s face comes into focus above her. Damn, she missed him so much. “Bell.”

“Oh, no.” Bellamy shakes his head. “I am mad at you. This smiling thing is not going to change that. As soon as you are better we will be talking about this.”

“Okay, how about you let me talk to the queen for a minute?” Jackson asks and she feels the bed dip. “How are you feeling?”

“Thirsty. Tired.” Clarke blinks a few times as the smile falls from her face. “How long have I been out?”

Jackson sighs. “A fortnight.”

A fortnight? He cannot be serious. If that is the case then who has been running her country? Not the council, she hopes—they will run the damn thing into the ground within a fortnight. She struggles to sit up, fighting against the hands that push her back onto the bed but she is too weak.

“Let me up. I need to make sure that the council has not destroyed Arkadia while I slept.” Clarke tries to sit up again but stops when she feels Bellamy take her hand, squeezing it lightly. 

“Clarke, do you really think that I would let the council destroy Arkadia while you were ill?”

“Well, how do I know how long you have been back?” There are hints of both her anger and her hurt in that question and if Clarke was not so tired, she might flinch. But right now? Right now even flinching seems like too much work.

Bellamy sighs. “I guess I deserve that.” He shakes his head. “I came as soon as they sent for me. Murphy sent someone the same night you passed out in his arms. I was here within a day.” 

“Why did you leave me?” she asks, but her eyelids already feel too heavy and she can feel the darkness pulling at her once more. 

“We will discuss that later, Clarke. For now, I just need you to get better.” Bellamy presses his lips to her forehead as his hand begins to smooth back the hair from her face. 

As she starts to fall back asleep all she can think is that she hopes that he is there when she wakes up next. 

* * *

Clarke’s sleep is fitful throughout the night and the next day. She does not feel strong enough to be awake, but her sleep is plagued by nightmares. She wishes that she could go back to the dreams from before. 

But finally, she wakes up and feels like she can stay awake for more than a few moments. The sun is shining in the window and while it bothers her eyes slightly, it is nothing like it has been the last few days. She feels strong enough to boost herself into a seated position, pushing the pillows back to support her. 

Her eyes land on Murphy who is passed out in a chair by the door and she laughs. He looks so uncomfortable and she cannot figure out why he is sleeping in the middle of the day. He jerks awake, eyes immediately zeroing in on her. 

“So Sleeping Beauty finally decided to wake up,” he says with a grin as he stands up slowly and stretches before making his way over to her bed. He sits down gently on the bed. “How are you?”

Clarke rolls her eyes. “Already tired of being asked how I am. What happened? They said I was ill but no specifics. Well, Bellamy yelled about me not taking care of myself but did not bother to actually explain what happened.”

“Well, because you are an idiot-” Murphy just lifts a brow when she opens her mouth to argue, so she snaps her mouth shut so he can continue, “your body apparently just gave out. Not enough sleep and not enough food. And because your body was not strong enough you ended up with pneumonia. Jackson was not sure that you would make it.”

Clarke nods slowly. “And Bellamy?”

Murphy snorts. “What of him?”

“He says you sent for him immediately and he was here within a day.” She pauses, waiting for him to nod before continuing. “Did he say why he was gone for so long?”

“Oh no.” Murphy shakes his head. “I am not getting in between the two of you about this. You will need to talk to Bellamy about that.”

Clarke rolls her eyes. “Fine. Where is he?”

“Where do you think he is?” Murphy makes a face. “He is with the council making sure that Arkadia survives your illness.”

“Oh,” Clarke mutters. She does not know why this surprises her, but it does. When Bellamy had said he was making sure that the council did not destroy Arkadia she had just assumed that he meant he was sending her mother to the meetings. 

“Do not worry,” Murphy smirks, “Prince Charming will be here just as soon as the meeting is over.”

Clarke shrugs, her only response being, “Bellamy is not a prince—he is a king.”

Murphy just rolls his eyes. “You are obviously feeling better. I am going to go get Jackson so she can check on you.”

Clarke watches him leave and lets her mind wander. Bellamy’s absence for months still stings. Yes, he is here now, but where was he for the last three months? Why did he abandon her? Why did he not answer her letters? She bites the inside of her cheek to keep from crying—she does not want to be hurt, she wants to be angry. So she focuses on the anger that sits in the pit of her stomach. She keeps it churning while Jackson checks her out and lets her know that she can return to her room with Murphy’s help. 

As Murphy sweeps her up into his arms Clarke has to bite back a laugh. “I do not think that this is what Jackson had in mind when he said for you to help me.”

“I do not care what he had in mind. I am not going to have Bellamy beat the shit out of me for letting you walk to your room—even with my assistance.” Murphy rolls his eyes. “So just be quiet and enjoy the ride.”

Clarke barely manages to hold in her giggles as she lays her head against Murphy’s chest. She will not admit it aloud, but she thinks she might have been too weak to make the walk. So she does what Murphy suggests and enjoys the ride. The walk to the room does not take that long, but she notices that he is taking the back hallways so that she will be seen by fewer people—which she greatly appreciates. 

Once they reach her room Murphy sets her gently onto the bed and Clarke makes herself comfortable. Being in her own bed is so much better than being in that damn infirmary bed. Also, something smells amazing in the room and makes her mouth water.

“What is that?” she asks Murphy.

“That is the soup and bread that the cook made especially for you.” Murphy grabs the tray from the table and brings it over to the bed, placing it in her lap. “She says you are to eat every bite or she will know.”

  
Clarke cannot help but smile at the words. Vera Kane, Marcus’s mother, has been their cook since before Clarke was born. She has always been the one to make sure that Clarke eats correctly and occasionally sneaking her some sweets. The soup and bread appear to be fresh and she cannot wait to dig in. She lifts the spoon to her mouth, moaning as the spices hit her tongue. She is just lifting the spoon to her mouth again when the doors fly open revealing a wild-eyed Bellamy.

Clarke would laugh if she was not still so annoyed with him. So instead of laughing she just continues to eat her soup, ignoring him. She feels his eyes on her but she does not acknowledge his presence.

Eventually, she hears him turn to Murphy. “Were you going to inform me that she was being moved back to her room?”

“Well, I would have _your highness_ ,” Murphy adds a little extra sarcasm into those two words before continuing, “but we literally just arrived and Clarke is eating her dinner. But now that you are here, I will take my leave. I am exhausted.” 

Without another word Murphy steps out of the room, closing the doors behind him, leaving her and Bellamy alone. It is harder to ignore him when he is the only one in the room, but she does her best to focus on her dinner.

“How are you feeling?” Bellamy asks.

“Mmmm,” Clarke mumbles with a shrug as she continues to eat. She wonders how long it will take him to realize just how annoyed with him she is. 

“That is not a very good answer, Clarke,” Bellamy huffs.

Clarke lifts her eyes to him, staring at him for just a moment before returning her eyes to her food. Bellamy falls quiet, but she feels the dip of the bed—a sure sign that he is sitting on the edge now. She refuses to look at him, though she wonders what she will do once her food is gone.

“Seriously, Clarke?” Annoyance rings in Bellamy’s words, but she just continues to eat her food. “Are you really just going to sit there and ignore me?”

Clarke shrugs as she lifts the last piece of bread to her lips. 

Bellamy sighs. “Why are you acting like such a child?”

Clarke’s eyes flash to him as she glares. “I am acting like a child? Coming from the man that disappeared without a word for three months and never bothered to answer any of my letters? You do not have the right to call me childish.”

“Look, Clarke, I can explain,” Bellamy begins.

“Oh, can you? Well, do not worry. I do not care for you to explain. I believe that the council will now allow me to annul this marriage, so as soon as I am strong enough you will have your wish and you will no longer have to bear my company.” Clarke pushes the tray away, annoyed that there is only Bellamy to take it from her.

But Bellamy does not take the tray, grabbing her hand instead. Clarke tries to jerk it away, but he just holds on tighter. “Clarke, will you please look at me?”

Clarke does not want to, but she also wants this conversation over as soon as possible and she knows that the only way that will happen is if she allows him to say what he feels like he needs to say. She turns slowly, careful to keep her face a neutral mask. She must not let him know how much she is hurting. She lifts her chin, indicating for him to continue while also allowing her to seem above this conversation.

“I do not want our marriage annulled, Clarke.” Bellamy looks at her in earnest. “I want our marriage to be real and that is why I left. I almost kissed you that night and I know that is not what you wanted from this, so I left. I did not want to force you to deal with the love that I felt for you, no matter that it was not returned. But when I found out that you were ill and that you might not make it, I swore that I would fight for this marriage when you woke up. Because I knew you would wake up.”

Clarke blinks at Bellamy, unsure if she has heard him correctly. “So, you left because you almost kissed me?”

Bellamy nods, looking away for a moment. “I am now aware that might not have been the smartest decision on my part.”

“Hmmm, who would have thought?” Clarke rolls her eyes. “You are an idiot, Bellamy Blake.”

Bellamy’s eyes shoot to hers, the confusion is written all over his face. “What?”

“I said that you are an idiot.” Clarke laughs. “I went to find you the morning after you almost kissed me so that we could talk. I did not know then that I was in love with you, but I did realize it very soon after you left. If you had answered just one of my letters I would have told you to come home. All I wanted was for you to come home and be with me.” Clarke swallows as she tries to fight the tears that are threatening to fall. 

“You are in love with me?” Bellamy asks, disbelief written all over his face and laced in his words.

“That is what I said.” Clarke shakes her head. “And do you love me, Bellamy?”

Bellamy grins. “More than anything else in this world.”

“Good. Then get over here and kiss me.” Clarke returns his grin as she pushes the tray further away from her.

Bellamy hesitates for only a moment before he is moving across the bed, taking her face into his hands, and gently pressing his lips to hers. It is a sweet kiss, but it is not the kiss that she wants. Clarke wraps her fingers in his curls, pulling his face back to hers when he breaks the kiss. She feels him chuckle against her lips, but he seems to understand as he sweeps his tongue across her bottom lip just moments later.

Clarke does not know how long they sit there just kissing, but when they break apart they are both panting. Bellamy leans his forehead against hers as he smiles. “I am really glad that you did not die.”

“I am also glad that I did not die.” Clarke lets her eyes fall shut. “And while I am on the mend, I am already exhausted. I do not know how much longer I can stay awake.”

“Of course.” Bellamy jumps up from the bed, removing the tray before hurrying back to help her under the covers. “Is there anything else that you need?”

“You.” Clarke rolls on her side, patting the bed beside her. “Stay?”

Bellamy pulls his shirt off and drops his pants before climbing in beside her. He pulls Clarke to him and she lays her head on her chest. She may not know exactly what will happen with them, she does know that they love one another. That has to count for something.

Plus she knows herself and she knows Bellamy and neither of them is good at giving up on anything, so she is not worried. They will figure this out and then she will have what she has always wanted—a love match. 

Bellamy presses a kiss to her forehead as her eyes flutter shut. “I love you, Clarke.”

“I love you too, Bellamy,” her words are heavy with the sleep that is already pulling her under. With heavy eyes and a light heart, all she can think is how happy she is that this is how she gets to spend the rest of her life—in Bellamy’s arms.

  
  



End file.
